Sat. Dec 3rd, 2022
Seven things about motherhood that are not as they were told to me

Before becoming a mother, I never had an idealized image of motherhood. In fact, I don’t remember even having any expectations about it. I simply dreamed of being a mother and doing my best , without goals and without models to look at; just following my own instinct . This was more than ten years ago.

At that time, I was a devourer of books and magazines on motherhood and parenting, and what I do remember is how much some of the photographs I saw impacted me , because some time later, already with my baby in my arms, I realized how little that those images resembled what I was experiencing.

are the things about motherhood that are not as I saw them or what they told me.

The positive does not always come when you want

Before motherhood entered my plans, I thought that when the time came it would be “sewing and singing”, as they say popularly. In other words, I was convinced that when my partner and I decided to try to get pregnant, we would achieve it the month after trying .

And it is that it is common to hear women who tell you how quickly they became pregnant and how easy everything was, but few explain how much it cost them.

So when the months went by and the positive did not come, frustration and sadness invaded me , because when you yearn for something so strongly, the passage of time can become desperate.

Getting pregnant with my first child took us three years , and although it is true that my other two little ones arrived very quickly, I also think that we must make it visible that it does not always happen that way, so that couples who are searching and do not succeed as easily, do not feel hopeless.

Sometimes there are problems behind this infertility that require a study and/or medical intervention, but on other occasions, if the woman is under 35 years old, up to a year of searching is considered normal .

Pregnancy is not always an idyllic stage

A radiant looking woman, stroking her belly and with a smile that floods her face. This is the most repeated image every time we consult a magazine, website or book about pregnancy. However, it was not what I felt.

There is no doubt that it is wonderful to gestate a life, but it is not always easy to get through those nine months . Personally, I have carried the heavy emotional baggage of having suffered several pregnancy losses, to which were added daily heparin injections, a hormonal fluctuation that played their part on many occasions , and hyperemesis gravidarum that I had to deal with in the pregnancy of my second daughter.

There is no doubt that each pregnant woman experiences this stage in a different way, but I think it is important that those of us who have not been lucky enough to enjoy an idyllic pregnancy can also talk about it without taboos because when you go through this experience you can reach to feel really misunderstood .

Caesarean section is not the “easy way”

The caesarean section is rarely talked about and how hard it can be for a woman to go through this situation. Because despite the fact that there are people who still believe it, the cesarean section is not the easy way.

We all dream of a natural childbirth accompanied by our partner, and of the moment when we see our baby for the first time while holding him on our chest.

But what happens to women who go through a caesarean section? Well, although more and more hospitals are carrying out the practice of humanized caesarean sections, unfortunately this is not always the case , and the idyllic moment we imagined can become a devastating experience.

And that’s when you realize that despite the comments and beliefs of some people, the cesarean section is not, by far, the easy solution.

Breastfeeding can be difficult

Breastfeeding your baby is the most natural act there is . All mammalian offspring do it, why shouldn’t we human beings be the same? This very logical argument resonated in my head during pregnancy, and was reinforced by images of nursing mothers smiling and carefree while their babies calmly suckled.

But no one tells you that breastfeeding may not be easy . No one explains what milk pearls are, and how much they hurt , how terrible it is to suffer from mastitis, the sacrifice of breastfeeding an allergic baby , or how much you can cry because of impotence and pain.

So no; Breastfeeding is not always as beautiful and easy as it is painted , and mothers who have had difficulties must make it visible to make other women aware of the importance of being informed, seeking advice and, above all, showing them that they are not alone.

“Ideal children” do not exist

We all know that babies are not born with instruction manuals , and that children are not robots that we can program or turn off when things get complicated. But judging by the images we see on social networks, we might think that it really is .

There is an image of “ideal child” that is usually held. It is about a baby who only eats and sleeps , who as he grows up quickly assimilates the rules of education and behavior, who does not burst into tears -and if he does, he is easily consoled-, who does not leave anything on his plate and always looks pristine.

But the real child is not like that . The real child throws tantrums when we least expect it , does not sleep through the night , and most likely does not like vegetables or even goes through stages where he refuses to eat . It can also be difficult to change his diaper, dress him in that outfit that we like so much , and the most normal thing is that he stains his clothes as soon as he leaves the house .

Children are unpredictable, spontaneous, direct, vital, active… but their behavior can also overwhelm us on occasion. That is why I consider that it is essential when becoming parents to be aware that children are people in training who are not born with learned social norms, and who require education and responsible involvement.

Educating and raising is exhausting

And since “ideal children” do not exist, it is important to know how to educate them with love, patience, empathy and respect , because only then will we achieve respectful adults tomorrow.

Educating and raising a child in a respectful, positive and conscious way is not easy. There may be exhausting moments when we feel that we can’t take it anymore, that we don’t have all the time we would like to give them, or even that our way of educating does not offer the short-term results that we would like so much.

But it is essential not to give up and seek support and advice when we need it. Let’s not forget that in our hands we have the generation of the future, and that our children need our time and our involvement.

What love for a child really implies

It is common to hear that love for a child is the greatest thing that exists, but the truth is that until you become a mother / father you do not really know what it means , and everything that such pure and infinite love entails .

There is a phrase from a song that I love, and that perfectly sums up this powerful feeling: “You cut yourself and I’m the one who bleeds”. So much truth in so few words!

Loving a child is feeling immensely happy when he is well, and wanting time to stop when his smiles and carelessness flood everything. But nobody tells you how much you suffer when your baby gets sick for the first time , how much you miss his cries of joy when he has been sick and off for days, and how much your heart hurts when you see him sad about something that has happened to him and you don’t know how to help him.

Nor does anyone explain the concept of “passage of time” when you have a child. Because yes, it is common to hear that “enjoy it while you are a baby, time flies” , but what is really behind all that?

Well, there is a dull and sharp pain that oppresses your soul when you verify that your baby is no longer there , but also an indescribable illusion to continue fulfilling stages by his side … In short, a mixture of feelings impossible to describe with words.